Networking is Like Gumbo

I love to cook as much as I love to coach. I have read more cookbooks in my life than any other type of book and will take every opportunity to hang in the kitchen with chefs of all stripes, including the wonderfully inspiring Leah Chase of Dooky Chase in New Orleans (that’s her in the picture).

Cooking and coaching may seem like two very different passions, but for me, they are deeply connected. Both require patience, curiosity, intuition, and a deep respect for the people you’re serving.

When Coaching and the Kitchen Collide

Sometimes my two worlds collide, like when I led a marketing workshop for a group of solo-practice lawyers. We covered many things, including how to reach their clients through networking. As soon as I uttered the word “networking,” I got some eye rolls, wrinkled noses, and sighs.

Networking has really gotten a bad reputation, thanks to the rise of direct sales companies and social media. You know the kind: the “Let’s do coffee, but I really want to sell you something” meetings, and the social media over-connectors who have gotten caught up in a race to gather likes, connections, and “friends.”

Why Networking Feels So Wrong to So Many People

The problem is that networking is not about adding another pelt to your belt—at least not for those of us who really care about connecting with and serving others. When networking becomes transactional, rushed, or self-serving, it loses its power and its purpose.

That’s when people start to avoid it altogether.

The Gumbo Approach to Networking: Know, Like, and Trust

During that workshop, I asked the group to look at networking in a different way—similar to a good gumbo. Why? Because just like that spice-rich stew I love so dearly, networking is based on a trinity.

Instead of the combination of onion, celery, and bell pepper that gumbo and lots of Cajun and Creole dishes rely on, meaningful networking is built on a combination of know, like, and trust.

Step One: Know Yourself First

The first place you need to develop the KNOW is with yourself. Yep, you!

Are you someone you would want to do business with or hire? Are you honest with yourself? Do you know what you do best, and what you screw up every (or every other) time? Do you know the difference you make in your business or in your current position?

What do people look to you automatically for? In what instances do people bypass you? How well do you know you?

Step Two: Like What You Do and Who You Are Doing It As

Now, do you LIKE yourself? Do you like what you do?

What aspects of your work do you like, and which would you prefer to farm out to someone else? Why would you farm out those tasks? What does that tell you about yourself and your next step?

Liking yourself and your work is not optional—it’s foundational. People can sense when you’re forcing it.

Step Three: Trust Yourself and Your Direction

And finally, TRUST.

Do you trust yourself to make the right decision? Do you trust your gut? Do you have a vision for what you want, but don’t trust that you can get it?

If trust is shaky internally, it’s nearly impossible to build it externally.

Shifting Networking from Transaction to Relationship

After you adopt the know, like, and trust thyself model, then your goal is to get curious about the other guy and focus on building relationships based on mutual understanding and appreciation.

You see, if you never realize that you are a unique and valuable contributor, then you will never realize the connections that can be made and the possibilities ahead.

Building a Network That Actually Supports You

Once you take the gumbo approach to networking, you are constantly weaving a safety net that can support you—and the other people in your network—now and in the years ahead.

Life and work are so much more fun and rewarding when they are shared.