BTW, Lipstick is Optional

Once, when first starting my business, I was preparing to give a talk for a large group at eBay. This was literally a dream come true for me. The talk, “I hear voices in my head, do you? How doubts, fears and negative thoughts can keep you from the life you love and deserve,” is one of my favorite subjects.

The self-doubt monsters—I call them “Trolls”—are always lurking around when you are ready to make a move, set a goal, or step out into a new exciting direction. It was ironic that the subject was facing fears and that, in the process of preparing for the talk, I had to face some qualms of my own.

Public Speaking Wasn’t the Fear

You might think that the fear I had to face was public speaking. It’s a common fear that tops every survey and article about phobias, but I don’t have a fear of public speaking.

I grew up on stage in musicals as a youngster, at the front of the church congregation as a teen, and as an adult I’ve given thousands of presentations and workshops in training rooms and universities all over the U.S. I know how to prepare, time a presentation, tell a funny story, tailor sections, and roll with the punches.

Lipstick Is Optional (Or So I Learned)

I had planned what to wear from head to toe—even lip color. I keep lipstick squirreled away in a drawer near my front door so that I never answer the door without it, in my purse at all times, and in the pocket of my jacket when I do a presentation. I am never without lipstick.

This was special. Monumental. I was representing me—my very own work, an important message, and my very own company. I had chosen the perfect neutral shade of lipstick to go with my perfect red jacket for the perfect presentation.

When Fear Shows Up Unexpectedly

The challenge came two days before the presentation when what I thought was a simple pimple on my left upper lip turned out to be something far more sinister—a major infection.

After trips to the doctor and then the dermatologist, I came home with a bandage covering a significant portion of the left side of my face. It was throbbing, angry, and came with a dilemma: do I do the event, or do I cancel?

The right side of my face looked fine. The left side looked like a moon pie. I was slurring my speech. My left eye teared randomly. It was a rough night.

When I woke up, I thought, “No one would blame me if I canceled.” The subject was important and it was a record crowd, but I looked like a mess.

Then I heard it—the sniveling little voice in my head:
“Are you really going to go in there looking like that?!”

It was the voice of vanity and fear of what others would think.

Choosing Courage Over Perfection

I became determined to do the talk anyway.

I ran through the presentation once more, taping my notes to a large mirror. I made a few changes—but more importantly, I made friends with my imperfect appearance.

Showing up swollen, slurred, and imperfect was actually more aligned with the message about overcoming doubt that I wanted to convey.

For over 15 years, I’ve told clients:

• “Let nothing stop you” when applying for a stretch role
• “Let nothing stop you” when negotiating salary
• “Let nothing stop you” from applying to graduate school, changing careers, preparing proposals, or starting a business

I’ve told my children the same thing:
“Let nothing stop you from learning today, from doing your best, from being who you know you are on the inside.”

Was I really going to ditch this opportunity because I had never faced an audience with a boo-boo on my face and no lipstick?

No way.

The Power of Showing Up Anyway

I went. I spoke. And I opened by pointing directly at what almost stopped me—the bandage on my face.

I spoke honestly about the doubts I had about my appearance. And as we talked, the fear of not being presentable or perfect melted away.

We explored how the doubts in our heads, our habits, and our negative thoughts are so often what stop us from going for “it”—whatever “it” may be for each of us.

I also had to let go of an old rule I carried for years: never talk about personal stuff while being paid to talk. That rule had gotten me into trouble more than once. Letting it go made this moment more powerful.

When the Voices in Your Head Are Holding You Back

If facing fear, self-doubt, or the voices in your head rings a bell for you, I invite you to schedule a complimentary session.
Let’s talk about what’s almost stopping you—and how to move forward anyway.