Get Your Career out of the Toilet!

People come to me every day feeling stuck and powerless, without the job they love. Every single time, I find that they are living a LIE. The TRUTH is you are trapped in your own thinking and indecision. I call this type of thinking “TOILET BOWL THINKING” because it can make your mind feel like it is spinning and spinning. It is draining and leads to crappy results…(Pun intended).

Here is how it starts…Take note if this sounds familiar. You are not happy in your current career and you have an idea, a vision for what you would like your work life to look like. GREAT! Then, you start to doubt yourself, negative thoughts creep in….You start thinking, re-thinking and over-thinking. You even share your idea and ask other people what they think…Soon your mind is noisily spinning with too many thoughts and you don’t know what to do or which direction to turn. You stop even before you get started, because of the LIE that it isn’t worth the risk or you are not worth the risk….or one hundred other LIES that your brain tells you to keep you comfortable, keep things the same and keep you in familiar, safe territory!

Here are some common “TOILET BOWL THINKING” examples:

“I want a new job, but first I need to lose weight, then I will be ready to put on my best suit and search for that job, or even start my own business. Right now I just don’t look or feel professional; maybe I should join the gym.” Joining the gym is a good idea, but not a direct and DeLiberate step towards a new job.

“If I had the perfect resume, then I could really launch my job search and get somewhere with my career, but my resume is not perfect and that is the first step of a job search. As a matter of fact, there are a couple of sections that I don’t know what to do with at all. One day I will have a perfect resume, but today is not that day.” This is more of a Default mode of operation, where you really don’t have to do anything, but then again you don’t get anything either.

“I would really like a promotion and if my boss really got how hard I worked, he would give me a raise or promotion, right? So, maybe my boss is a jerk or maybe I am not as good as I think I am. I guess there just aren’t any choices at all. I’m stuck.” This is such a great example of relying on assumptions instead of evidence to make a decision to blame someone else or yourself for your current career. Blaming is a great drain on your life and career. You can check out my thoughts about blame here….

There are lots of ways to get stuck! You have just gotten things out of order. We all have a vision and

DeAnne as a Plumber

dreams….but we start thinking backwards….As Larry Winget says, “What I see in my clients who are stuck in a career that they don’t love is ‘TOILET BOWL THINKING’“. Well, guess what?! I am the CAREER PLUMBER. There is nothing I love more than getting a person unstuck, out of their thinking, and moving forward toward TRUE CAREER HAPPINESS in a way that they stay unstuck. Is it scary? Sometimes. Is it worth it? Yes. But I have been through it myself and I will be there with you all the way.

I love helping people rethink, redefine and renew their own success.



I Don’t Believe in Confidence

Okay, I don’t believe in CONFIDENCE. Yep, you heard it right, I don’t believe in CONFIDENCE. If you have been on my website, you already know that to some degree because I am a little more blunt about my views on CONFIDENCE at www.DeliberateCareers.com. It is not that I don’t believe that it exists, but I don’t believe it is reliable, that you can count on it.

1. You can FAKE confidence.
2. You can SHAKE confidence.

After all, you can fake CONFIDENCE. We have all seen people who fake it, right? You know, that person who comes off as confident, talks way too much about themselves, believes that they are the best at everything they do, but really just gets on everyone’s nerves. We even have names for those people from the grade school lunchroom to the board room of the biggest company. Come on, you can say it. We say things like, “Here comes Ms. Know-it-All .” “Can you believe what that braggart said in the meeting?” “Isn’t she a smarty pants, or even a smart a_ _.” Therefore, CONFIDENCE is not something you can trust as a measure of how successful someone is or how accomplished someone will become. It isn’t that CONFIDENCE is a bad word, it has just been used in lots of misaligned ways. So, let’s break it down to the basics.

CONFIDENCE has Latin derivations that means “with trust or with persuasion”, it has to do with how you confide or show yourself to others. Many people come to me saying that they want coaching so that they can be more confident; they could do much more in their life and career if they just had CONFIDENCE. That is when I call foul. CONFIDENCE, the way it is typically used in conversation, is about the need to show or portray yourself in a certain way or persuade others to see you in a different way. So, if someone doesn’t get you, doesn’t take what you show them or confide in them well or in the way you intended, then that can really shake you up. It spurns you to act differently, to get a different reaction, to fit in, to impress, to thrive or survive in this environment. You start operating as if how you are is not enough or not right. That is where it gets backwards.

See, I believe that everyone is capable, whole and resourceful in a way that they can create a life they love. Yep, I said it and I mean it. I am talking about you and I am talking about myself. So if not CONFIDENCE, what is it I need to move forward? I say AWARENESS is the key. Awareness of where you are right now and where you want to go, the TRUE YOU, that is way more powerful than CONFIDENCE.

Who you are, your unique path, what you want and what you have to offer, is what you need to show others. When you get clear about that inner you, your “muchness” as the writer Lewis Carol called it, or your Core as my friend and fellow Career Coach, Jeff Fischer, says in his TEDx talk shown here. No matter what you call it, when you know what is truly important to you and about yourself, you can’t help but portray that to the world, because it is TRUE. I just call it Your TRUTH. Truth is another word that gets misused, but I will save the English lecture for now. For the moment, just entertain the idea that you have a Truth, purely within that is enough, is just right and is everything you are supposed to be. Check your breathing…How does it feel to have this idea of truth filling you up? When we realize that our thoughts create our beliefs and our beliefs create our actions, then how powerful are we when we create thoughts of ourselves as whole, capable people who are able to figure our lives out?

When people learn to be aware of that truth, first they have to set aside the notion that they are their titles- mother, father, daughter, sister, engineer, accountant, breadwinner, athlete, musician, employee or television host. These are all temporary states of being. Each change with time and in the world of work and careers these titles change more frequently than ever before, with current college graduates expecting to change careers, not jobs, every 4 ½ years according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics. If you have a need to change jobs or the need to is thrust upon you, you need an anchor and that anchor needs to be Your Truth. You need to be aware of who you are and what makes you unique, “warts and all” as my mom says. That is what you will find about successful people, they always know where they are, what they want and where they want to be.

So, what happens when you get very aware of Your Truth. People start noticing Your Truth. You don’t have to be confident, you just have to be aware of it first, then you learn to stand on Your Truth and express it in ways that make sense to the people that need to be near This Truth. Think of it as a spring of clear water that benefits the people around them and forms a relationship that is vital. I once worked with a well-paid sales person whose company changed its product so that it was no longer aligned with her Truth. It was a great source of misery and she didn’t know how to move beyond the current situation. Although she knew exactly what her Truth was, the piece that was missing was the expression of who she was in a clear way, like the clear spring, that bonded her with those that she needed to have vital relationships with. Once she got the words to flow, the relationship and the job offers came to her, one of which she had to turn down….Amazing. She planted it, seeded it in a place that she could grow, where she could make the difference that she wanted to make in the world.

Some people are repelled maybe, because your truth is not what they are seeking or that they can’t accept how Your Truth fits in with their ideas of what is true to them. That is okay. There is room for all of us. We have just gone through a presidential election. The mud-slinging and opinions, he-said/she-said was rampant. I even engaged in some political banter with my Mom. We both hold a Truth for our family’s well-being in the areas of health, education and equal treatment among genders, but we disagreed which presidential candidate stood with us in our Truth. This doesn’t mean that either of us needs to change or that we won’t pass the butter to each at our next meal together around the dining room table. It just means we differ politically and we accept that about each other. We are cool with each other in that way. However, that is not always the case when you find and express what Your Truth is.

When I changed from teacher and counselor to coach and business owner, there have been people who have rejected my ideas, asked what am I thinking, why would I give up a steady paycheck to start a business? That is okay…..they don’t get it, they don’t get me. I often have clients who have career dreams that have nothing to do with the family business, their past experience or the degree hanging so proudly on their wall…..I have to remind them that “just because you are good at something, doesn’t mean you have to do it.” There are lots of things that you can be good at that wouldn’t bring you joy if you did more of it. I have a client who likes to iron. It is simple, you have immediate results and it is repetitive, like how meditation, mantra’s and runner’s high can be. However, we laughed at the thought of doing it all day, every day as a major portion of your job…nope not ideal. I have a client who loves taking photos and she is incredible with details and loves to give them as gifts and mementos, but when she was required recently to take photos for a recent event, with a strict turnaround time, it was no longer fun or rewarding and took the joy of giving out of it. Although, she has considered being a professional photographer, she can’t quite picture it at this time. Pun intended. Through coaching, we could explore and even get beyond the participant’s fears about being paid for what she loved to do, instead of giving her photos away as gifts. However, coaching is about the client’s goals and time will tell if this is her goal.

So, some of the people who don’t get you may “evaporate” or take on a lesser role than they currently hold in your life. Many people will ask you why you are doing whatever you are doing. That is okay. Just be aware of trying to prove anything to them. That can get you in quite a pickle…imagine having an iron in one hand and a camera in the other. Yes, that is a funny image, but one that shows you how easy it is to get bound up. Then there are those that will support you unconditionally, your cheerleaders, who will always stand by you.

So, how do you find your Truth? Well, that is what we start with every time we think about what is really important to you……With my private clients and in my workshops, we start with what we value most……

Start that process with me on a free call! Click here to register!

For Love and/or Money

This post is my answer to a question I get frequently as a career coach.”Is it true that you should do what you love, and the money will follow?”

Now, more than ever, there is an ability to make what you love to do into a profit-making venture. However, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. First, it is wise to find out why you love your passion. For example, maybe you love to take photos outdoors because you love being alone and deciding what picture to take gives you a sense of freedom. That is great, but if you were taking photos 5 days a week and the content has to be accepted or edited by a paying client, would that still feel like freedom? If the answer is no, then possibly this is better left as an avocation, or hobby. If the answer is yes, and you still feel that photography means freedom, then it is time to check the career out further. Am I saying you should abandon your life, family and responsibilities to pursue a dream career? No, no one should shrug off his or her responsibilities without a plan. I recommend either researching it on your own or obtaining some guided career exploration with a career coach or career counselor. If you decide that being an independent business owner is your dream, there are plenty of small business support groups, incubators and business coaches available to help you hone your skills to make it a reality.

If a career passion is really calling out to you and you discover you have an entrepreneurial spirit, the Internet may become your greatest business tool. Through the Internet, people are working globally from their home offices with the ability to build profitable niches focused on just about any passion. One example that comes to mind is Rachel Z. Cornell at www.pronagger.com. After finding out that her mother had a very aggressive form of cancer, Rachel totally changed her own life. Seeing her mother’s illness as a sign, Rachel decided to face the many obstacles that had sidelined her from completing a degree in the arts, including being legally blind. In doing so, she learned the steps to achieve her daunting goals and the strength to keep her motivated to reach the dream of a degree. With this newfound knowledge, direction and the Internet, she established Pro Nagger. Now, Rachel helps people achieve everything from writing a dissertation to getting their office organized through her online programs, tools and one-on-one coaching. Yes, Rachel reaches people all over the world and encourages them to get their own lives together in big and small ways, incredible!

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Email: deanne@deliberatecareers.com